something new, no longer blue

State Motto: Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Currently listening: "Bent" By Matchbox Twenty From 'Mad Season'

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Wanted another new format...something cheery, since I'm kinda in a poopy mood. What do you think?? I kinda like it. I also updated the comments to where they come up in a popup window...let me know if that works out or not, in case you have pop up blockers...I know it's not working for me. I'll probably change it back soon.

Skipped History this morning, but went to the rest of my classes...just needed to sleep in today.

I noticed today in class that I have a lot of scars on my left arm/hand. They're mostly Smelly Cat induced scars, but I'm sure I did a few of 'em on my own, like the one on my elbow from helping dad reshingle the roof and I sliced it open on the edge of a fiberglass shingle. That felt good. Nice and drippy.

Watched "What Dreams May Come" last night; one of my Netflix movies. It was either that, or "The Notebook," but I didn't feel like watching a sappy love movie. So I went for a depressing death movie instead. Good thing there's no late fees!

boys are dumb

State Motto: Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Currently listening: "Havin' a Bad Day" By Blue Flannel From 'XL'

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This sucks. I emailed Wes yesterday, asked him when I was going to see him again, if he could come out during the summer, since I'll have summer courses and won't be able to see him until July, more than likely. I also told him how I hated that we never talked anymore, that as soon as he pulled into the driveway, he was hanging up the phone...couldn't even wait to get inside, talk in bed like we used to. This is what he had to say:

I am just not as into our relationship, as it has become tough to date someone that I
never see. Not saying that I want to break up, becuase I value what we
have. It has just become extremely difficult to find time.

I dunno, I guess I've just tried to pull away from what we have because it's
less painful to do that, seeing that I know I'll be getting busier and
busier as the summer comes, and especially next fall semester...I'll be
busier than I've ever been. This semester is still a trial run. I dunno.

I don't know what this means. He says he doesn't want to break up...but it sure seems like he doesn't want to do more than what we're doing now...that he's still going to pull away from the relationship for the duration of the semester. I'm not going to just sit around for two or three months before I hear from him again...before we can have a normal conversation again. This is stupid.

homesick

State Motto: Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)

Currently listening: "The Millwhistle" By Jalan Crossland From "Moonshiner'

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*Sigh* I don't like it here. I don't like school, it's becoming a hassel, especially the Government and History classes I have. I don't like work, as Kmart is the more poorly managed place I have ever worked for. Everyone expects everyone else to do the job that needs to be done. People don't show up for work, and they're not replaced, so we have to work short-handed, and everyone suffers. Everyone gets stressed out and crabby.

I don't like not seeing my parents for so long at a time. At first it was cool; I was on my own, doing my own thing. But man, it's starting to take its toll. I'm really broke all the time now, I can barely afford to pay my rent, television, internet, and cell phone bills. I could give something up of those...television would be the only logical one to give up, really. I use the internet far too much to give that up. Why spend $1300 on a computer and just use it as a word processor? Might as well buy a typewriter. I can at least watch movies and play Nintendo on a TV with no cable...and the cell phone is a must, as it is my ONLY phone. And I have free long distance, which I need to talk to my parents, sister, Jill, Wes, Lacey, anyone, really.

I hate living by myself. Having no one to talk to. Sitting in a bed all the time when I'm here, because there's no room for a couch in this place. I never talk to Wes anymore. Things weren't this lonely until this semester started up again. We NEVER talk. Once, we went for a whole week without talking on the phone, even though I sent him many voicemails during that week. He did email me once, but that doesn't count. We went from talking every night for an hour, to maybe every other night for 10 minutes. I hate it. When we do talk, all we do is bitch about what's going on in our lives. Now that's cheery, eh?

I may be a loner, but you can only be by yourself for so long before it starts to get to you. I guess I'm not as much of a loner as I thought I was when I lived back home, but that's because I had my parents and sister there all the time. And I love 'em. I love hanging around with them, talking with them, and just being at home...it's a really nice feeling. I don't have that here. I have a stuffed animal and internet friends. Jill and I try to hang out once a week at least, and do our "roomie thing," but we didn't get to do that this week 'cause of work or being busy or something else...it just didn't happen this week.

I get depressed like this a lot. A lot more than I ever did when I lived with someone else. I really don't think I should live by myself. It's not good for me.

i win!

State Motto: Tennessee: The Educashun State

Currently listening: "Chicken Trucker" By Jalan Crossland From 'Moonshiner'

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Drove to Rapid City this evening to see Jalan Crossland perform at the Dahl Fine Arts Center. Spent a buttload of money for it, too, as it was $20 to fill up my car, $15 for a CD (it would've been $17 if I'd ordered it online), and $16 to get in. But it was SO worth it!

I actually got to talk to Jalan this time, unlike up at the Big Horn Bash, 'cause he was pretty preoccupied with other stuff. I was standing around like a dork kinda behind/off to the side of this couple who was talking to Jalan, and the lady kinda noticed me and was all, "Oh, were you waiting to talk??" And I just freeze up..."Umm, I don't know?" Gawd, what a dork. But he remembered me from the emails we'd sent back and forth a few weeks ago when I was trying to clear up where the concert was. Talked to him for a bit, told him that my dad and I saw him play this summer when he opened for Simply Jane, and he said that it was nice to put a face to an email *smile* so that was really cool.

Then the show started. I picked a seat near the middle middle area, so I could see everyone, but a little to the left so I could see Jalan better (he's left-handed, so he was on the end so's not to bump into anyone else). No one sat in my row for the longest time while the other rows filled up. Did I smell? No, I'd just taken a shower before I got there. Oh well. I didn't want to be claustrophobic, anyway. On either side of me was one person, and they were each about 3-4 chairs away. Fine by me. More than halfway through the concert, Jalan says, "Oh, I almost forgot; everybody look under your chairs, I've hidden a guitar tuner under one of them."

No one really did anything 'cause we all thought he was joking around, like maybe he'd lost it or something and was just trying to find it. "I guess no one really wants a guitar tuner," he said after no one really moved, so I decided, what the heck, and felt under my seat. And sure enough, taped up to the bottom of my chair was a pretty guitar tuner in a nice leather case! ("That was the one you didn't want, right Jalan?" asked one of the other guitar players.)

There were four "Guitar Masters" playing tonight, and they were all incredible. Just amazing. This guy from the local Black Hills area who played the blues like Johnny Lang or BB King. A young man from Canadia who was just beautiful on the guitar, could play all different styles, an Indian who was just beautiful himself, and played wonderful music, and of course Jalan with his own crazy style of guitar and banjo. What a fun night. I'm really glad I didn't have to work tonight, or tomorrow morning, so I could go. Yay.

bummer, dude

State Motto: South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Currently listening: "Touch of Grey" By Grateful Dead From 'Very Best of Grateful Dead'

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Gah. Got a C on my American Government test because of how insanely hard he grades the tests. You have to put in EVERY single minute detail that was ever talked about in class in order for the essay questions to be counted right. One of them was worded so oddly that I had no idea what he was talking about, and answered on a completely different topic, but he gave me one point for effort, so that was nice of him haha.

Also got a C on my American History class, didn't do so hot on the essay parts there, either. I know all the information that goes along with it, but when it comes test time, I can't think of it all and forget large chunks of the information. Yikes. Also, for the history test, he gave us four essay questions ahead of time to study for the test, but only picked two of them to put on the test. The only one I happened to not study was one of the ones that was on the test. Damnit. only got 9 out of 15 points on that one. Eeep!

But, they're not Ds, and I got a B on that History paper earlier...and he always gives attendance quizzes (the answer is usually still left up on the board from lecture, anyway, and about the easiest thing ever), so that'll help. I'll just have to study a little harder for both of them. It just sucked 'cause they were both on the same day...and my next Government test covers FIVE chapters. Shit.

Concert tonight. Hope I can find the place. Laundry for now. I even took out the trash 'cause it was such a nice day today.

Moving??

State Motto: South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

Currently listening: "Learn to Fly" By Foo Fighters From 'There is Nothing Left to Lose'

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Well, the plan has been for the last month or more that in April I'm going to get a two bedroom apartment for Jill and I to live in over the summer. In May, when school is out and she moves out of the dorms, she's going to come move in with me, and we'll split the rent. We'll stay in this apartment building because it's pretty cheap, and if we're splitting the ticket, even cheaper than what I'm paying here now by myself.

Well, Jill messages me today online with an idea about living together. Her boyfriend currently lives with his sister in an apartment complex about a mile up the street from here, but she's moving out, apparently. Jill suggested that she and I move in with BJ, we'd split it three ways, and it would only be $133/mo each. Which would be GREAT 'cause that's really cheap and would save us all a lot of money. But, they're both leaving Spearfish when the summer is over. I'd be left by myself. I of course, will be left by myself when Jill moves away, ANYWAY, but I'd still be in my same building complex, which I love because it's so close to the school, I just walk there.

I'll be taking classes this summer, so I don't want to have to drive to school over the summer, and I don't want to have to drive to school in the fall again next year, and I don't want to have to try to get an apartment back over here again, because I don't know how easy that would be. Also, with moving within the building complex, I don't have to borrow my dad's truck to get all my stuff to another building, I can move almost all of it by myself (or all of it by myself if I took a few things apart) and not have to use a truck. Jill said that she and BJ would help me move my stuff, of course, which I would appreciate, but we all just have cars, no trucks (unless BJ has one and I don't know about it), and that would still be a pain.

I don't know. I don't really like the idea of moving that far from the school. I suggested that Jill and I get the apartment here still, but that BJ move in over here, but she says he doesn't want to live so far away from the Ambulance Barn, which is where he works because he's now a paradmedic and apparently on-call a lot. Which I understand his point of view, as well. She said that no matter what, we'd be living together, she just thought it could be an idea. I just don't want something to happen between her and BJ (not that I'm saying it would, but it could, and that would be awkward) or something. I don't know.

I still need to talk to my landlady and figure out if they have a 2 bedroom that I can reserve for April. Might have to push it back to May and have us both move in at the same time because I'm really really really dirt poor right now, and I'm barely making enough money to get by. In fact, I don't think I am making enough money to get by, because Mom has to keep helping me out, and I hate that. *Sigh*

Hopefully things will pan out. Wish us all luck!

dream

State Motto: Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

Currently listening: "Sunday Morning" By Maroon 5

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A co-worker of mine once told me that if you take a certain vitamin before you go to bed, you'll have really freaky dreams. Well, my dreams are weird enough without the help of drugs, so here goes.

I was at a lake with some friends, on a cliff with a balcony over the lake, pretty high above the lake. It was frozen over, and people were ice skating, ice fishing, dinking around, whatever. Just having fun because it was a beautiful warm day. After a bit, a large white SUV is driven over the ice by a woman. I keep thinking to myself, "Don't do it, the ice is too thin," but she obviously couldn't hear me say that. She puts her vehicle in park and as she doesn't even have time to get unbuckled and open the door before the SUV goes crashing through the ice.

I stare down at the lake, dumbfounded. Having never seen something like this happen before in my life, of course I stay to watch and see what's going on. Fortunately, there were a lot of people on the lake when this happened, and she was close to the shore where she parked. The vehicle immediately was submerged all the way under water, but popped up again like a bobber when you're fishing. It slowly started to fill with slushy cold water. Someone dove in after the SUV and struggled to open the door as the vehicle started sinking. He somehow managed to fling it open, and undo her seatbelt and pull her out of the water.

It was soon learned by the crowd that there were still two more people in the vehicle, but that it was already resting at the bottom of the lake, since the door had let more water pour in at an extremely fast rate. Soon, there was an ambulance truck to help the woman, and a crane to pull her SUV and the people inside out of the water. I don't know if the people were saved because my friend and I went to our car to leave.

We were parked on a little car-elevator one level up from the ground, and I wanted to beat traffic and didn't want to wait for it to lower me, so I just backed up a little and drove my car over the edge and bounced a couple of times when I landed, beating most of the traffic there.

Some other things happened, but I don't remember what they were very clearly, so it won't make sense.

forgetfulness

State Motto: Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Currently listening: "I'm So Ronrey" By Kim Jong Il From the 'Team America: World Police' Soundtrack

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I called my mom last night to talk to her about some stuff. Then I couldn't remember if I'd called her, so when she signed online, I asked her.

Me: Did I call you earlier today?
Mom: No, I don't think so.
Me: Are you sure?
Mom: Well, Ashley called me to tell me when she was going to be done with class...
Me: Didn't I ask you about FAFSA and summer classes and vacation?
Mom: Oh yeah!
Me: I thought I called you!
Mom: We're silly.

So that was fun. And then we discussed how sometimes we forget how to spell our last name. Whoops. She has an excuse, since she married into it, but I was born with it and have been spelling it since I was a wee tot. I have no excuse for looking at the first three letters of my last name and thinking, "That doesn't look right."

Worked out in the Garden Shop for most of the day. Effing freezing in there. Near the end of the day, Grant bought us all some thin gloves 'cause we were all complaining that our fingers were numb. I had to keep going back into the store where it was heated (what a concept) to warm up. Helped a cute lady work the Kodak Picture Maker thingie near the end of my shift, walked her through all the steps, got her some paper so she could write down the steps and do them herself, and watched her do all her pictures just in case she needed some help somewhere. At 2:30pm, when I was supposed to be off work, she still had a couple pictures to go. Aaron came over to relieve me of my duties so I could leave, but I could tell he would get impatient with her or something, so I stayed, and I was having fun talking to her. Later when I passed by Aaron on the way to clock out, I told her that she didn't know how to use the machine and I was helping her, and he rolled his eyes and said, "I hate that."

I need to go grocery shopping again. All I have left is chicken noodle soup, which I actually haven't made in quite a while, so maybe it'll be okay. For the day. But I'm thinking Subway sounds better.

i hate everything

State Motto: Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Currently listening: "Get Back" By Steve Wariner From 'Come Together: America Salutes The Beatles'

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Okay...not everything. But a lot of stuff. I'm actually not grouchy today...but I'm not cheery, either. Someone at work thought it would be okay to open up boxes of Hi-C juice with a BOX CUTTER. So I had quite a bit of sticky red juice all over me and the floor. That was fantastic.

I don't think anyone yelled at me today, though, "anyone" meaning customers, so that was good. I feel great today, no more stomach pains at all.

Unfortunately, I have to get up at 4am tomorrow so I can make it to work at 6am to set ad for the rest of the week. I hate setting ad. A couple weeks ago, I set up one for a 14" flatscreen TV. It was supposed to be for just a normal TV, but I accidentally put it on a 14" flatscreen of the same brand with a DVD player in it...so...we lost about $60 on that sale. Shit. I don't function well in the mornings when it's that early. Besides, getting up at 7am on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, sleeping in on Tuesday and Thursday, and then having to work at 8am on Saturday, 6am on Sunday totally messes up my sleeping schedule. I'm not used to having to go to sleep before 10pm, so I really don't sleep well Saturday nights. AND I have to miss Saturday Night Live!! *SOB*

Okay. Enough of that.

Checklist of things I must do on Monday:

• Find out FAFSA information (even though I already got my alotted monies for this year...parents just don't listen)
• Find out when my summer courses start to make sure I can go to Mississippi with my mom and sister in late May. Yikes, I hope I can. I wanna play more black jack!

• 
  

update

State Motto: Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Currently listening: "Let's Get Retarded" By Black Eyed Peas From 'Elephunk'

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Well, the stomach's feeling a lot better. Thanks everyone for your concern! Still hurts a little, but not nearly as much as before, so I think it's going away, whatever it is.

I don't necessarily like watching Emergency Vets on the Animal Planet because sometimes animals die, and then I get upset and cry about it, and feel poopy the rest of the day. But I do like one veterinarian on the show in particular. He's the older vet, gray hair, and talks like Tommy Chong (of Cheech and Chong). Once, he saved a baby bunny, and kept calling him "little man" and "dude." It was the cutest thing.

Also, I took my tests this morning in History and Government, and I think I did pretty well on them. I'm suprised I remembered as much as I did on the Government test, because that's stuff I haven't learned since 9th grade. Not sure how I did on the History one, however, but I guess I'll find out by Wednesday (no school on Monday!!). We did get our papers turned back to us from History, and I did the paper the day before it was due, since I procrastinate like it's my job, and I got a B!! I was pretty pleased with myself.